The Best of Cops Corner

May 11
Smooth operator
3:06 p.m. — 8400 block of South Tamiami Trail. Shoplifting. The assistant manager of a supermarket called the sheriff’s office, because a shoplifter had been caught at her store. The man was caught stealing two frozen Chinese dinners and a large bottle of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Romantic evening, perhaps?

May 13
This isn’t the cosmetics counter
1:10 p.m. — 1700 block of South Tamiami Trail. Reckless Driving. The complainant called police to report a woman swerving in the road. When he caught up to her at a stoplight, he saw why she was having trouble staying in her lane. She was staring in the rearview mirror, while applying her makeup. She couldn’t be bothered with trying to steer.

May 18
High-class trash only
3:06 p.m. — 900 block of Siesta Drive. Illegal Dumping. The complainant told police that someone threw trash into his garbage can. The nerve!

May 19
Cross-dressing thieves
12:15 a.m. — 3900 block of South Tamiami Trail. Theft. Two men walked into a drug store, stuffed 28 dresses down their pants and ran out the front door. The store manager said he would provide surveillance video to see if the suspects could be identified. The crime had Cops Corner asking several questions: 1. How big were their pants to be able to hold 28 dresses? 2. With 28 dresses in their pants, how quickly could the suspects be running? 3. Are drug-store dresses that hot of a commodity?

May 25
Moped matters
12:37 p.m. — 400 block of North Jefferson Avenue. Harassing Phone Calls. A middle-age man reported that a senior citizen had been calling his home and harassing him about a moped the senior felt was wrongly taken from him. The man told officers the senior was not harmful, “but his harassing calls are becoming tiring.” Officers told the man to block his phone number, and if that didn’t stop the calls, then he should get a restraining order.

June 14
Forging Miss Daisy
10:22 a.m. — 1500 block of Ringling Boulevard. Forgery. A bank teller became suspicious when two people in the drive-thru tried to cash a check. One woman was driving, and another woman wearing a big hat was in the back seat. The pair wanted to receive $1,500 cash back from a $3,100 deposit. They handed over an ID with the check, but it was for a woman who was born in 1928. The woman in the back was wearing a large hat, but the teller could see that she wasn’t 82 years old. The teller asked her to remove the hat, so she could compare faces, and the woman said, “Well, I didn’t say that was me.” They left without receiving any money.

June 22
Wardrobe malfunction
8:45 a.m. — 6400 block of South Tamiami Trail. Suspicious Person. A woman reported that while she was waiting at a bus stop, a stranger grabbed her breast. She said he then got on a bus headed for Siesta Key. A deputy checked with the bus driver, who said nobody fitting that description was on the bus. The deputy then began to interview the woman, and as they were talking, her top slid down and exposed her breast. The deputy told her she should wear better fitting clothing.

June 30
Low-tech escape
3:41 p.m. — 300 block of John Ringling Boulevard. Welfare Check. An officer was called to the scene of a woman trapped in a car. She was in the back seat of her rental car and was crying. The car’s electronics had apparently malfunctioned. The officer told her she could manually unlock the door, and she did. She was unharmed.

July 12
Karate kid
6:30 p.m. — 800 block of South Osprey Avenue. Suspicious Person. Officers responded to a report of a man with nunchucks and a butterfly knife at a condo pool. When they arrived, they saw a senior citizen practicing karate kicks in the pool. The weapons were on a side table. The man said he was a resident at the condo complex and that he had been practicing karate in the pool for 15 years. He said because he owns a fraction of the pool, he has the right to practice his black-belt skills there. The man also said practicing with the butterfly knife is an excellent remedy for arthritis. The officers asked him to keep the weapons out of view but said he could still practice his kicks.

July 19
Lego my mango
10:30 a.m. — 1700 block of Shoreland Road. Petit Theft. A woman was working in her yard when a car approached. It stopped, and a man with a cane walked up to her mango tree. He climbed the tree and began knocking several mangos to the ground with the cane. Another man and a woman got out of the car and gathered the mangos. The homeowner began yelling at them, but the trio did not stop. They got back in the car with the fruit and drove away.