WELCOME BACK: The best of Cops Corner

May 14
Land shark
3:17 a.m. — 900 block of Siesta Drive. Animal Problem. Officers responded to a report of a dead shark on a sidewalk. What they found was … a dead shark on a sidewalk. It was a 5-foot nurse shark. They called the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, but the agency declined to respond, because nurse sharks are not endangered. The officers then contacted their supervisor to see what they should do. The supervisor told them to throw it back into Sarasota Bay, which they did.

June 27
Meat your match
4:25 p.m. — 1300 block of South Tamiami Trail. Theft. A supermarket manager told police that she saw two people enter the store and steal $400 worth of fireworks and meat. The manager followed them out to their car while they were loading the goodies into the trunk. They saw the manager writing down their license-plate number and quickly drove away without placing everything in their car. About $247 worth of merchandise was left in the cart.

June 28
Smoke break
12:45 a.m. — 3400 block of Clark Road. Burglary. A restaurant manager discovered that someone had broken into his business overnight. The thief came through an air vent in the roof. He took $400 from the cash registers and tried unsuccessfully to get into the safe. Video surveillance shows the man taking a break during the burglary, smoking a cigarette and pouring himself a beer from the bar tap. Any time is Miller time.

July 19
Cut and run
3:17 p.m. — 2100 block of Inner Cass Circle. Grand Theft. A man was cutting his grass when his mower ran out of gas. He dashed to the gas station to buy more fuel, but when he returned, the mower was gone — stolen mid-mow. His wife was inside their house at the time, but she didn’t see or hear anything.

Dead on arrival?
11:06 p.m. — 4000 block of North Tamiami Trail. Suspicious Person. A man was found lying on the front doorway of a funeral home. No, this was not a delivery. He was just loitering and was asked to leave.

Aug. 1
At least you have your priorities
1:27 p.m. — 1000 block of Azinger Way. Negligent Treatment of a Child. Golf-course employees say a man has been leaving his 9-year-old son unattended in the clubhouse restaurant, while he plays golf. An officer saw the boy curled up on some chairs put together and covered with a tablecloth. The father has apparently been doing this three times a week for about a month. Dad told the officer that he leaves him in the clubhouse, because he can no longer afford to pay for the boy’s summer camp.

Aug. 2
They forgot the floss
4:30 p.m. — 2700 block of South Tamiami Trail. Theft. A dentist’s office had a Tube Dude statue in front of its building. It portrayed a man holding a toothbrush. The dentists arrived at work to discover the Tube Dude was damaged. Surveillance video showed two kids trying to steal the entire statue, not realizing it was cemented to the ground. Instead, they pried loose the toothbrush and took it. Be on the lookout for a kid brushing his teeth with a 2-foot metal brush with a yellow handle and orange bristles.

Aug. 9
Don’t shoot yourself in the foot
3:35 a.m. — 800 block of South Osprey Avenue. Miscellaneous Offense. A man took a sleeping aid to help him doze off, and he said it had a strange side effect. He told police that at 10:30 p.m., he went to his dresser drawer, pulled out his 9 mm gun, loaded it and then “must have pulled the trigger.” He said he didn’t remember firing the gun, but there he was with three separate bullet wounds to his own hand. The man iced his wounds and tried to go back to sleep but wasn’t able to do so. He called his girlfriend, who urged him to go to the hospital. Officers asked him why he waited five hours to get medical attention. He replied that he was “old school” and thought he “could tough it out.” That and he was also embarrassed he shot himself. The man appeared to be telling the truth. It’s now up to the State Attorney’s Office as to whether any charges will be filed.

Aug. 23
The door is always open
12:27 p.m. — 2300 block of South Osprey Avenue. Suspicious Circumstance. A man told police he was certain someone entered his truck because the driver’s side door was not closed all the way. The man, however, also admitted that the door never closes all the way, because the doorframe and door don’t match up. He said he doesn’t bother to lock the door because it doesn’t close.

Sept. 9
Sign confusion
6:56 p.m. — 1000 block of Boulevard of the Arts. Illegal Parking. A man complained that taxicabs were parking illegally at a hotel. The bellhop advised police that cabs have been staged in that area for 30 years without any problems. The reason the complaint was made is because the street was remodeled and “cab parking only” signs had been replaced with no-parking signs. Police advised the bellhop to call the city and request the old signs be put back in place.

Sept. 16
Pound puppy
4 a.m. — Intersection of Fruitville Road and North Tuttle Avenue. Found Animal. A motorist reported a puppy chasing cars on Fruitville Road. Upon arrival, police found a brave puppy trying to scare a moving van. The puppy had no collar, and its owner could not be located. The puppy was transported to the police station and was placed in a cell until Animal Services arrived.

Sept. 18
The Q-tip of the iceberg
2:43 p.m. — 1800 block of Morrill Street. Suspicious Circumstance. A man reported that one of his Q-tips was missing from the top of his bedroom dresser, and he believes someone broke into his apartment and only took that one Q-tip. Police promised to check with his neighbors about the cotton swab mystery.