Me, Mom and the Boy Who Checked Me Out

I was on the phone with my mom as I went to check out my groceries at Publix the other night. I was on a mission to satisfy a mad craving for mac 'n' cheese and pick up some bananas, apples and yogurt for my favorite morning smoothies.I got to the counter, still on the phone. But I always feel kinda skeezy for being on the phone and ignoring the checkout person, so I said to the friendly-looking young man,"I'm sorry for being on the phone right now."

He said, "It's okay; at least you are apologizing ... at least you're acknowledging me." He did not say this in a snarky way---just delightfully honest and honestly grateful.

Liking this, I took it a step further. "I'm on the phone with my mom, actually."

"Ah---well tell your mom I said hi."

"Okay! Mom," I spoke into the phone while scanning his nametage, "Thomas says 'hi.'"

Mom said, "Oh, that's nice. Who's Thomas?"

"The young fellow at Publix who's checking me out---err, who's doing the checkout for my groceries," I said, blushing and performing a little embarrassed monkey dance.

"Well, you tell Thomas I hope he has a wonderful night," she said, with great emphasis on the word "wonderful."

This experience made me incredibly happy. What a nice little crossing-over of interactions, coming out feeling the opposite of skeezy! And beyond not feeling sneezy, it made me happy for other reasons that go deep into my feelings on modern technology and social media. They also make me more aware of a waning appreciation for interactions with people in the world around us that are not planned or pre-sorted.

Thomas' remark about me "at least acknowledging him" made me think of how many times that must have happened without the intentional nod or word from a customer, and what effect it had on him. How those little marks of noticing and acknowledging color others' experiences of and with us, whether we are paying attention to it or not (often, I think, not).

It makes me think of how much the increase in "social" technology seems to distract us these days from the social world of our face-to-face daily interactions. And thinking of that always makes me pine for romantic images of folks hanging out on street blocks, park benches, in barber shops, enjoying each other's company with all of the sights and sounds, smells and unplanned interactions that happen in those sorts of places. Or, at the grocery store check-out line ... so many of us in industrialized countries are super comfortable navigating the social spaces set up on social media sites or through or cell phones, but seem to be increasingly uncomfortable with or simply less-inclined to interactions outside of those spaces?

So what's my reaction?  Anger? Dismay? Protest?Tonight's little check-out-line conversation between Thomas, my mom and me reminded me how much I have the power throughout my day to reverse the current trend I see around me, and how fun it can be. I believe that spontaneous interactions and the enjoyment of face-to-face exchanges with other people is a great ingredient to life, and it's something I want us humans to hold onto as a species.

Some of my best friends and heroes are those I have met because I was open to talking to them as we shared a public space as strangers. For instance, I met my friend Marcos because I lost my wallet once in Chicago in the cafe where he worked. Because I lingered a moment longer after he handed me my wallet and had a friendly conversation, I ended up at an underground artist collective that night, where I witnessed things and made friendships that inspired an entire era of my life.

Those people and I weren't "friend-suggested" by Facebook's social mega-mind, and we didn't find each other because we listed the same interests on twitter. Something bigger was at work---call it chance, karma or the ludicrous beauty of life and us being open to it.

So am I saying that cell phones or facebook are evil, or that we should talk to every check-out person we encounter?  Not exactly.

Overall, the Thomas-mom interaction makes me think of how, rather than seeing the trend away from openness to who or what's before us as a downward spiral of doom [as some I know are wont to do, including me at times], moments like that can be opportunities to revive our latent inner urges toward public humanity. We can allow that urge to jump in and creatively reconstruct connections in surprising and fun ways that leave us all strangely satisfied and amused. And I'm thinking that these exchanges have the potential to feel that much more warm and human because we had to make an effort to re-humanize them.

In other words, perhaps those of us who lament the decline of spontaneous or otherwise face-to-face exchanges due to technology could approach this trend with enthusiasm, as an exciting new hurdle in the obstacle course of creating good communities around us, whose presence will make headway that much more satisfying.  It can be an opportunity to make this a society that values face-to-face human exchange that much more, because its people have innovated beyond the pressure to pull away.

As I bring this train of thoughts to a halt, it strikes me now as poetic that my mother was the one who trained me early on to savor spontaneous exchanges, especially at ... the supermarket! Yes, she's the type that will know the check-out person's life story and deepest personal struggle (or dream) by the time they hand her the receipt. So appropriate that she should have been there with me and Thomas tonight, a warm voice through my cell phone wishing him a wonderful night. How lucky I am to have such a mother.

What do you think? How do you see technology affecting our ability to connect out in the community, in good or bad ways?