Ask Otus: How to play the mating game

Otus Rufous, an Eastern Screech-owl, was born on Siesta Key and is a full-time resident there. An avid hunter, accomplished vocalist and genuine night owl, Otus is a keen observer of our local wildlife and knows many of nature's secrets. Otus will answer your questions about our amazing wildlife, but only if you Ask Otus™.

Dear Readers,

I would like to expound upon two important developments in this avian and human community of ours on Siesta Key. First, high season is upon us. Second, so is mating season. It is no coincidence that the two intersect. We birds look our best when trying to attract a mate and our pleasing appearance is noticed not only by a potential love interest but also by the Snowbirds who are drawn seasonally to our fair shores.

The American Bald Eagle has mated, nested, and many pairs are now raising their young. Our beloved Ospreys are nesting too. Our charming, debonair and devilishly attractive Eastern Screech-owls (that's me!) are serenading you at night with melodious hoots. If you bravely slept with open windows during the frigid nights of the past weeks, then you certainly heard our dulcet courtship calls.

We raptors are in the vanguard. The passerines, egrets, herons will follow our lead and, in the coming months, continue to astound all with their amazing feather displays and amuse all with the silly antics the male bird must perform in order to attract a mate.

As long as I am describing the avian courtship to you, I might as well pass on some tips to all you singles. After all, humans and birds share similar courtship patterns. But as we raptors (that's me too!) have one hundred millions years more experience over homo sapiens sapiens (that's you!) I thought I would pass on a few pointers on how to play the mating game.

LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION!

There is no point in hanging around a place where there are no potential mates. Despite constant reports of bald eagles nesting on Siesta Key, none resides here because our key's inhospitable habitat. Bald eagles only fly across the Bay and visit Siesta Key to steal our Osprey's fish. Ospreys do abound and nest here. Eastern Screech-owls are also plentiful in numbers and we have no need to cross the Bay in search of love when we can find it in our own backyard. Neither do you!

Let us imagine that you are standing in a long line at the Siesta Key Oyster Bar. I know, just a few weeks ago you were warmly greeted and immediately taken to your favorite table at SKOB. Now it is High Season, the Snowbirds are here in dense flocks and nesting space is at a premium. In front of you is a bevy of beauties here for the season. One in particular grabs your fancy. There's something different about her—whether it was the flash of Swarovski crystals in her evolution belly ring or the rippling of muscles under the barbed-wire tattoo on her upper arm as she gently tapped the Touch ID sensor or iTunes on her shinny new iPhone 5s, something caught your attention and made you focus on her. She is different.

Actually, she is not. People, like birds, tend to go for a certain type, over and over again, thereby proving that love isn't blind; merely myopic.

As a rule, we raptors, and many other bird species "mate for life" and hope to attract the same mate we had in previous years. Humans during High Season, and especially during what is known as "Spring Break", are generally less concerned about winning back last season's partner and often seek commitments of much shorter duration.

Nevertheless, the choreography of the human and avian "mating game" is repeated each year, step by step. Males jump through hoops and make feathered fools of themselves. The female becomes an ice-princess who feigns total indifference to any advances. But don't be fooled by her pretence. She is actually carefully watching and assessing your every move — if you can get her to notice you!

So what is it that the female seeks in a male? What will make her choose you over your competitors?

PHYSICAL BEAUTY

The tedious and nutritionally-demanding molting season has ended and birds are now garbed in their glorious breeding plumage. Great Egrets are beginning to sprout their gossamer bridal veil aigrettes; the peacock (yes, we have many feral peacocks around Sarasota), its magnificent "tail" feathers. We raptors are impeccably well-groomed and perfectly feathered.

You too ceased molting and sprouted a carefully-groomed mustache and beard that rivals that of Brad Pitt's as Samuel Bass in Slave. That's no mean feat! And she's certain to notice and admire your masculine hirsuteness.

PHYSICAL PROWESS

I once saw one of our south Siesta Key Red-shouldered hawks perform four wheelies, or the avian equivalent of such, in under ten seconds. Now, that was impressive, especially to the female. As she sat, seemingly ignoring his display while skinning her flea-infested tree rat (i.e., Gray squirrel), she was actually keenly sizing him up.

I am not advising you to attempt wheelies because you might lose your place in line. In my opinion, the fact that you parked your heart-stopping 2014 Camaro Z/28 right in front of SKOB in the only vacant parking spot in all of Siesta Village is downright impressive. You know that she noticed you because that car roars more jarringly than SKOB's live music. This brings me to the next favorable attribute sought in a male.

COMMUNICATIONS SKILLS

In many species of birds, the male attempts to attract a mate by performing beautiful, melodic vocalizations. Who hasn't heard the mockingbird singing his heart out throughout the night? One bird that surpasses all others in using its voice to attract a mate, and one that you will probably never hear, even if you visit Australia, is the Superb Lyrebird. In this video, so delightfully recounted by naturalist David Attenborough, this bird will imitate any bird and anything just to stand out from the rest of the female's potential suitors. His repertory even includes a chainsaw! There is a lot you can learn from him.

I don't suggest you imitate the roar of your Camaro's 505-horsepower (with 481-lb. of torque) 427-cubic-inch V8 engine at 6,500 rpm in third gear because you want her to love you for yourself not for your ride. Also if you make too much noise you might lose your place in line.

No, think of something charmingly romantic to whisper to her. And what is more romantic to a woman than being courted in French? Okay, so you didn't so well in French class other than scoring high marks for non-attendance, but Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Mya, and Pink, teachers at the Moulin Rouge Academy are here to offer you a refresher course (click here)!

Now, lean over and whisper in her coruscating stud-arrayed ear "Voulez-vous couchez avec moi ce soir?" and see what happens!

She turns around; looks squarely into that rakish, attractive moustache and beard you are sporting; and says "Bugger off!"

Now you are totally smitten. That feeling of “there-is-something-different about-her” has proven true. She's a migrant bird, possibly from Canada. An American would have said "truck off!” or something to that effect. So, now that you finally have her full and undivided attention, there is only one more attribute for you display to ensure her interest in you ...

WELLNESS

If you bothered to watch the Lyrebird video, you will have noted the exquisite display of its tail feathers — all fanned out, with each one highly visible to the attracted and discerning female. If you did not watch, well, you've seen how the mockingbird flashes his wings during courtship and the peacock spreads "tail" feathers and gently sways them in a shimmering motion. All this display among birds — the fluffing up of feathers in mourning doves, the tail-spreading in raptors, the wing-flashing — serves not only to demonstrate the physical perfection and beauty of our species but also to prove that we are healthy. That we are parasite free. Any signs of worms, mites, or parasites, and we birds are out of the mating game.

My advice to you ... Right after she says "Bugger off!" you immediately prove to her that you are healthy and bug-free. The best way to do this is to emulate us birds by flapping your arms, splaying your legs while singing "There ain't no bugs on me! There may be bugs on some of you mugs but there ain't no bugs on me!" This jingle worked very well for puppies in the K9 Advantix ad and should for you. I suggest a standing-in-place series of jumping jacks because you don't want to lose your place in line by flapping your arms to strongly that you end up on some telephone pole wire with the doves and grackles.

Other than the proof of physical wellness, mental wellness also comes heavily into play. By now, not only is the object of your interest laughing but so are all her friends. The fact that they are laughing at you rather than with you, shouldn't discourage you because now that the ice has been broken and the ice-princess is melting, you know your interest is returned. You can afford to laugh at yourself. Modesty and a sense of humor are traits greatly admired in the human world, but not particularly in the avian one!

So, what happens next?

This is where our paths continue to diverge.

In the avian world playing the mating game and mating are not choices. It is our haecceity to propagate and ensure survival of our species. It goes beyond instinct, beyond primeval and primordial stirrings or desire. It is an aspect of our existence which defines us and something that we just do, sometimes with great style and aplomb.

You, on the other hand, are free to indulge in friendship or romance. Perhaps you will buy your new-found love a beer (proving your fiscal wellness to her) and take in a movie. Or maybe you will just stroll, hand-in-hand, the pristine sands of Siesta Beach snapping hundreds of pix of yourselves framed against yet another glorious Siesta Key sunset.

And speaking of pix ... Here is one of my ice-princess. I hope what experts predict about Global Warming will occur real soon!

Otus