Theater review: 'Cyrano De BurgerShack'

“Cyrano de BurgerShack” is the latest item on the menu at The Players. It’s an adaptation of Edmund Rostand’s “Cyrano de Bergerac,” the unlikely tale of a French nobleman with a gift for poetry, a wicked sword hand and a gargantuan nose.

Jeremy Desmon’s new pop musical keeps the nose, strips the hero of his sword skills and puts him in a contemporary American high school setting, where he runs the titular burger joint where the kids all hang out. Cyrano 2.0 still can’t share his feelings with the woman he loves, Roxanne — his friend since kindergarten, who happens to be on the fencing team.

One day, Cyrano finds out she has a crush on the new kid, Christian — a good-looking jock who’s dumber than a bag of hammers. So, the loquacious and oddly self-sacrificial Cyrano winds up ghostwriting Christian’s love letters. (As this is the early 21st century, he does this through cell phone texts.) But the truth comes out too late. Sadly, Cyrano is crushed by a log and, after making a ten-minute speech, dies.

Just kidding, folks. Like “High School Musical,” this high-school musical has a happy ending. This Cyrano gets the girl! Though, if you asked me, I wish he’d gotten a nose job as well. This is, after all, the early 21st century.

Altered or not, the plot’s basically an excuse for a jukebox musical. This particular jukebox is stuffed with hits (old and new) by The Go-Gos, The Proclaimers, Madonna, Pink, Bruno Mars, and, of all things, Chumbawamba. Sting’s “Roxanne” is just a ringtone on Cyrano’s cell phone, though — probably too sad. The tunes are strictly upbeat and performed by an upbeat, high-energy, young cast.

Director Teresa O’Connell gives Desmon’s happy, pop improbability a farcical vibe. The kids keep hiding and popping up from behind walls and tables, their peek-a-boo moments interspersed with kicky choreography by Brian Finnerty. And the talented kids playing these kids show what they can do.

Bronson Byerley’s Cyrano is a lovable, brainy, outcast nerd who periodically slides on stage in his tennis shoes. Paige Galdieri’s Roxanne is no passive love interest; in Desmon’s adaptation, she’s the one with the sword skills and a highly evolved mind. This being the early … well, you know. While not the sharpest tool in the shed, Storm Tracy’s Christian is a nice guy with a devotion to turtles. (The species, not the band.) Jake Silver’s Pickles periodically trucks on through pretending to play a toy saxophone. (The audience loved it, though it would’ve been more impressive if the sax were real.) Aside from a few false notes, the rest of the cast was uniformly great. Heather Lutz-Silver dresses these kids up in crisply idealized outfits. Set designer Jeffrey Webber gives them a shiny, happy burger-shack world in which to play.

Expect big fun and happy American kids free of teenage pregnancy, gang violence, eating disorders, bullying and Pokémon Go addiction. Archie and his friends would feel right at home in this alternative high-school universe. Somewhere in teen-comedy heaven, John Hughes is looking down with a big smile.

You’ll smile too — even if you’re a literary major. Much like the experience of “Hamlet 2,” seeing a tragic classic get a new happy ending is oddly satisfying.

Though I still wish Cyrano 2.0 had gotten a nose job.