Key Notes: 'Siesta Key' Episode 2 Recap

This week’s episode of “Siesta Key” was almost lackluster compared to the controversy and drama going on outside of the show, but it fell in line with what we’ve come to expect — a lot of blonde girls talking about Alex Kompothecras, and less-than-articulate boys talking about said blonde girls. And of course, the episode climaxes at some kind of party, all set to a frothy summer soundtrack.

“Siesta Key” is supposed to defy typical reality show norms by excluding the confessionals that propel the story along. It’s structured the same way as the Hills and Laguna Beach, with a notable exception — there has already been more blood.

The show opened right where we left off, on Alex’s FaceTime session with Chloe and her swollen, bloody nose. She tells him she left his house after the party with Amanda, (who joined her for a pedicure and gossip session about Brandon in the first episode), and got in an Uber.

Apparently, although we don’t see this exchange, Chloe “mouthed off” to Amanda who, after years of built-up frustration, actually PUNCHED HER IN THE FACE.

More than once!

It appears that despite the producers' reassurances that “Siesta Key” wouldn't be like “Jersey Shore,” sometimes, a fist-fight between two girls can’t be avoided.

Anyway, Chloe’s mom takes her to the hospital for surgery on her nose, and Amanda gets closer with Brandon. She even invites him to the bikini contest she was competing in. If that’s not a sign of a budding relationship, we don’t know what is.

Between the Chloe and Amanda drama, the show cuts to a scene of Alex, Juliette, Pauly and one of Juliette’s friends (who doesn’t say anything), all sitting in a hot tub. In another extremely-uncomfortable-to-watch exchange, Juliette tries to make fun of Madisson, and Alex isn’t having it.

He and Juliette get in a strange passive-aggressive fight in front of their two friends, in which neither of them looks at the other.

Here’s a loose transcription:

Alex: [talking to Pauly like the girls aren’t there] I’m about to throw her [Juliette] in the pool if she keeps saying shit about her [Madisson].

Juliette: [in the most straightforward sentence she’s said the whole show] I just don’t want a repeat of last summer.

Alex: [fidgeting, uncomfortable, not looking at her] You had fun … it didn’t end well, but you had fun.

Juliette: [trying to save face for being vulnerable and honest] I didn’t get hurt or anything.

Alex: [still fidgeting, uncomfortable] I’ll try to be better this summer... maybe, if I can.

Obviously, conflict resolution is not what their relationship is built on. We do learn that Madisson knew Alex before his dad, Gary Kompothecras, got so rich — before he lived in his current “castle” — perhaps shedding some light on his appeal to Madisson. 

There's a tiny glimmer of hope that in a past life, Alex wasn't just the rich Lothario who mixes Champagne with Red Bull. Maybe he used to be a real person, just like us.

Alex goes with Madisson to her parents’ old house, which she hasn’t been to since they divorced, and they reminisce. They sit on the floor in a huge, empty house, make eyes at each other, kind of connect and then it’s over.

Chloe meets with Pauly, who advises her to get help and keep her temper in check. He tells her a story of his time spent in juvie and how he cried himself to sleep at night. Ever discriminating in her source of counsel ("You're not a therapist!") Chloe does not commit to growing up.

In a much-needed break from the rest of the cast, Garrett takes Kelsey out on a six-month anniversary date. This follows a moment earlier in the show, when Garrett says more than he did the whole first episode. He tells a friend (who also has “abs for days,” obviously), “I think sometimes, maybe down the road, she could be the one, man.”

She could be the one, man! Now we’re excited.

He takes her on a picnic on a secluded beach, feeds her cheese and crackers, strawberries and chocolates, and gives her a gift he made: 365 handwritten notes to her in a jar, meant to be read one per day.

Kelsey, on the other hand, complains that she didn’t wear the right outfit, says it wouldn’t be so windy if they went to a real restaurant and gives him a bag of pistachio nuts with a note that says, “I’m nuts about you.” Then they have a little tiff over her calling Garrett antisocial. Maybe true love just can’t thrive in the heat of a Siesta Key summer.

Eventually, after Alex and Pauly try to force Chloe to come to Brandon’s party and Chloe screams at them over the phone, we get to a small gathering at Brandon’s (huge) house around a bonfire — because every summer in Siesta Key needs fire.

Here, Alex ignores Juliette for a long time by holding Madisson’s hand and putting his arm around her. Juliette is visibly annoyed, sitting away from the group and staring daggers into the duo. But then, Alex being Alex, he starts making crude jokes about he and Madisson’s past sex life, saying that she was good at “bowing down.”

Madisson is obviously embarrassed and upset, and she leaves for another scene in a hot tub where she says she just doesn’t understand why Alex is so different around other people. Enter Juliette. Balance is restored.

Next week, Chloe and Amanda meet, Alex is concerned about being wait-listed for graduate school and Madisson goes on a job interview. Oh, and Kelsey maybe breaks up with poor Garrett, the only one we were kind of rooting for.

Can’t wait.