Ways to prevent the weather from ruining your summer

My May 22 afternoon was dark.

Literally. I looked out my window and saw trees being whipped by wind against a backdrop of damp, grey skies. The trees were a supporting actor for the star of the show, of course: The rain.

Oh man, y’all, this rain. I forgot how fast it changes from “no rain for 30 days” to “rain every single afternoon.” This time of year is especially troublesome for me, a sports reporter, because rain is the destroyer of outside fun. I’ve had back-to-back Sunday softball league games rained out. The Sarasota High baseball team’s regional final against Plant High, scheduled for May 22, was canceled, then moved to the next day. And a planned outing I had, which was the makings of a different column (that is still happening, so no spoilers here), was also axed because of those pesky sky droplets. This, in addition to all the usual havoc the rain causes.

I’m tired of our fun being ruined by water, and I refuse to stand for it any longer. Us Sarasotans need to come together and rebel against this relentless foe by not backing down to its demands that we stay inside. To that end, I present a few suggestions of sports and activities we can all do when it pours, as a way of fighting Big Rain.

Community River Rafting

OK, everyone, grab an inflatable raft, some oars, your neighbors and hold on for dear life. The waters can be rough out there, some subdivisions worse than others (I hear Gulf Gate is a real humdinger. Borderline Class V rapids, if you will). This can either be an exploration of the city from a unique vantage point, or a chance for communities to race each other for ultimate control of city resources in the new post-apocalyptic flood world we reside in. Last one to the Publix on Osprey Avenue loses!

Almost-Water Polo

When I was in elementary school, I thought water polo was like regular polo but all the horses swam in water, and I cannot tell you how disappointed I was to learn the truth. My younger self’s dream may never become reality, but playing polo in the rain would be the closest anyone’s come to it.

I’m sure you have some questions, so I’ll answer a few. Will visibility of the polo ball be an issue? Perhaps. Is there a chance the horse could get spooked by thunder and throw you off? Absolutely. But it’s a risk you have to take. We’re all saddled with responsibility here. Don’t be a neigh-sayer. Pony up and show the sky how Sarasota does polo.

Paintball

Get messy, then let the rain wash the paint away. Smear it on your face like symbols of war. It’s an objective fact that everyone looks 75% cooler when they nail this look. The clouds will shiver when they hear your name. Your personal five-day forecast just became sunny with a chance of awesome. This is the perfect scenario for paintball.

A serious note here, though: PLEASE only play with people who also know they are playing. Shooting strangers with paintballs is a crime. The closest center is Hi-Tec Paintball Park in Bradenton. Go there and play to your heart’s content.

All other normal sports

Don’t let societal norms hold you down. Baseball and softball games postponed? Show up anyway and hit dingers all night and day. If your bat gets struck by lightning, there’s a chance you can live out “The Natural,” so, big-time bonus there. Tackle football was practically made to be played in a swamp. The only people who disagree with this are parents who have to do laundry afterwards. Go for it.

Pickleball? Yes! Pickles aren’t sold dry, are they? No, they’re sold in brine! Be the pickle! Embrace the moisture!

I could keep going, but you get the point. If you can play it in the sunshine, you can play it in a storm. I will not sit by idly and let my summer get ruined by the scourge known as rainfall, and I urge you all to do the same.

Unless you don’t like being wet. Then, I guess, you should probably stay inside.