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Dear Freya:
Valentines is coming and I am afraid I’m going to screw things up. I try to get things for my girlfriend that she likes, but I’m not sure if she really likes what I get her and I feel so inept. We’ve been dating for a year and a half.
- Bryan
Dear Bryan:
Thank you for caring about your relationship enough to inquire about your Valentine’s Day concerns. Valentine’s Day does seem to be a big day for women. Not all women are the same when it comes to this, but some women measure how much their guy loves them by how they are treated on Valentine’s Day.
No, that doesn’t necessarily mean how much money is spent. The thought that goes into a gift is way more important than the money spent on it. This is a great opportunity for you to put your creative energies to work. What is the message you want to give to your girlfriend?
You can always do the usual; take her out for dinner buy her a box of candies and buy her roses. Dare to be a little different and think about what things she really loves to do. Maybe she doesn’t like cut flowers, but would enjoy a plant or a tree in her yard. If she enjoys hiking, maybe you can plan an afternoon event where you go hiking and have a picnic. If she would enjoy a live concert or a movie you could plan an event around that.
It’s a good idea to know what her love language is. What speaks to her more, a gift, quality time, acts of service or words of affirmation? If quality time is her love language, you may strike out if you drop off a gift and don’t spend time with her.
If money is tight, you can create a booklet of gift certificates of little chores or services that you might provide for her such as handiwork or a massage or cooking her a candlelight dinner or repairing her bicycle. Write her a love note about what you really appreciate about her.
I hope some of these ideas will spur you on to find or create the right thing for your girl. Remember as your relationship continues
to grow and deepen, you will feel more confident about what pleases your girlfriend. People and relationships can be complex and change over time. All anyone can hope for is a partner that cares enough to try to get it right. Kuddos to you and Happy Valentine’s Day!
- Freya
Have a relationship question for Freya? Email [email protected] with subject line: “Healthy relationships submission” to give consent to anonymously publish. All names will be changed/omitted prior to publication. All emails without this subject line will be considered private and confidential.
Freya Robbins, CDFA
Supreme Court Certified
Mediator
941-366-0202
3737 S Tuttle Avenue
Sarasota, FL 34239
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