Group explores grief for children

Fourteen-year-old Zebastian Rodriguez Velazquez can dream again.

His dreams stopped after his great-grandmother, whom he called Mama Tete, died seven years ago. In September, his father, Tony Rodriguez, died of kidney failure.

Zebastian already was shy before his father died, but he became withdrawn.

His grief was quiet until November, when he and his 8-year-old brother, Zergio, and his mother, Violeta Velazquez, began attending Tidewell Hospice’s Club Blue Butterfly family grief program each Tuesday night at NewGate Montessori School in Lakewood Ranch.

The group counseling session for children was age specific — Zebastian shared his thoughts with peers ages 12-18, while Zergio’s group was for kids ages 8-11.

“It’s helped me show my emotions and speak out,” Zebastian said. “I started having dreams again. For seven years, you go to sleep and

you see nothing. I missed having dreams.”

Thirty-five families participate in the twice-monthly Tuesday night program, which starts with dinner and moves into a age-specific group therapy session during which participants complete activities to help them process their emotions.

Danielle Visone, a family grief program specialist for Tidewell, said the Tuesday night program filled up quickly. A needs-assessment of the area showed more families need help, she said. Tidewell will open a second night, Wednesdays, for families beginning Feb. 6 at the same location. Tuesday night groups meet the second and fourth Tuesdays of the month and the new Wednesday groups will meet the first and third Wednesdays.

“It’s a safe place where the kids can talk about the person who died. There’s no other service like it in the county,” Visone said. “They know we care about their thoughts, their memories, about the death. It gives them permission to talk.”

Visone said people often believe children do not grieve because they act aloof or continue with their regular behavior instead of being sad. But Visone said children often cry themselves to sleep, or grieve in ways their caregivers may not see.

She said sometimes they feel guilty or sad, but they all need to process their feelings. She said avoiding those feelings can lead to mental health or behavioral issues as they grow older.

“Programs like Blue Butterfly give them that space to remember,” Visone said.

Velazquez, who works as a dean at Braden River High School, said she learned of the pro gram through a friend and went because she did not know what else to do. After his father’s death, Zergio had not wanted anyone at school to know his dad had died because he didn’t want to be “different.” And yet, he was dealing with anger.

Zebastian had become reclusive, not wanting to talk or share his thoughts with anyone.

“I didn’t know how to help them,” Velazquez said. “It has helped us move forward. It’s very nonthreatening. It’s like a safe haven place for them with kids their age. Everyone is in the same situation.”