- November 22, 2024
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Hello, dear readers. Welcome back, and thank you for taking this wild ride with us for the past seven weeks. LOL.
This week’s episode begins with two scenes at cast members’ parents’ houses, and for some reason that made me giggle. Nothing wrong with living with parents of course, especially when you’re on summer break during college like Juliette, but I just love that MTV won’t even label the names of the bars they go to (probably because 85% of them aren’t on Siesta Key and they want my friends and family in the Midwest to believe the island has an unbeatable nightlife scene) but they’ll slap on a locator showing who these houses actually belong to.
Anyway, we open on Amanda’s 22nd birthday party, and everyone is getting schwasted as usual. For fun, here is a brief list of my notes from the first few minutes (verbatim, minus the curse words).
We also hear potentially one of the best narration lines of “Siesta Key” history from Juliette: “You’re probably wondering who the hell this girl Shelby is … ” and proceeds to introduce us to the girlfriend of one of Alex’s best friends, Drew (you know, the stocky Teddy Bear-esque guy who is often lingering in the back of party shots).
Shelby spills to Chloe (who else) that she was in the car with Drew recently when Alex Facetimed him to explain what happened with the now-infamous girl found in his Kompo Castle sleeping quarters. She claims Alex admitted to sleeping with her and even expressed admiration for her lady parts … hmm …
Shockingly, Chloe says they shouldn’t bring this up to Juliette at the party because Amanda doesn’t want drama, and viewers around the country start to clap at our girl for being mature/a good friend.
It does, however, come out at the after party (of course) held at what I believe is the Casey Key Tiki Bar, and Juliette pulls a bomb power move by stolling right up to Alex and asking him in front of everyone if he slept with that girl or not.
Obviously he denies it, and a whole fight erupts about who is lying and who is telling the truth. I don’t know who to believe (but I mean we all know Alex is a literal dumpster fire so Shelby is probably right), but what I do know for sure is that Juliette is being more mature than ever (and I mean no shade by that, I truly respected what she did) in the moment she turns to Drew and says she’s sorry he’s been pulled into the middle of the drama but this is her problem to deal with.
Let’s take a quick moment to notice the calm and sincerity in Juliette’s voice when she delivers this message to Drew. THIS IS EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION, PEOPLE. As opposed to Alex, whose most quotable moment in this scene is when he tells drew to go “shut up his b****.”
Remember when I called him a literal dumpster fire? Yeah, I stand by that. (Let’s not forget that early in the episode he also told Chloe he obviously didn’t sleep with this mystery girl because if he “wanted to cheat on Juliette, no one would know” because he’s great at “covering his tracks.”)
*Throws up in mouth*
Anyway, enough about the worst cast member on this show because of course this conversation goes nowhere and Juliette still wants to forgive him.
In the meantime at this dramatic afterparty, Kelsey randomly walks up to Cara and Garrett and starts accusing Cara of using him. Garrett is understandably upset as Kelsey’s comments about their relationship get increasingly out of line, but she cracks when he fires back that he “doesn’t give a f***” about her anymore.
In an earlier scene we saw Kelsey and her mom Debbie, now in a wheelchair, at Hana Sushi Lounge talking about how her multiple sclerosis is getting worse and Kelsey is having a hard time coping because she doesn’t feel like she has anyone in the friend group who she trusts. That person used to be Garrett she says, and she misses having him to confide in, but um girl, going up to him and randomly lashing out is not going to help you get him back in your life …
Anyway, this is getting long, so he’s a brief description of what happens next
Finally, Canvas and Jared have the other healthy heart-to-heart of the episode while fishing next to the John Ringling Causeway. Jared admits he’s been diagnosed with PTSD and wants to seek therapy because his mom told him she doesn’t want him to become an alcoholic and go down the wrong path like his uncles. Canvas, like the great friend she’s proven herself to be, says she supports him and that they can hang out sans alcohol from now on.
Sidenote: Kudos to MTV for encouraging viewers to go to halfofus.com if they’re struggling with “emotional issues.” However, I wish they would have said mental health problems because using “emotional” rather than “mental” seems a little bit like a cop-out by people giving into the stigma surrounding mental health issues (especially when the first sentence on the website’s “About” page says “Mental health issues are a reality for millions of people across the country”) but I’ll get off my soap box.
I’ll keep these last three scenes brief because I’m tired of this crap.
Pauly gets in Alex’s car (after a tight shot of the historical marker for the Sarasota County Historic Courthouse with just the right amount of drama) and says jail was the “worst five hours of his life.” That comment made me laugh out loud.
Cara and Garrett have a super weird conversation (but also oddly cute in an awkward flirty way??) at Cask & Ale that starts with her asking if he likes her skirt just because she never wears skirts and ends with him getting her to admit she’d like to be his girlfriend — I think? Because apparently they weren’t officially dating before? Unclear.
Finally, this never-ending episode concludes with Chloe showing up at Alex’s house, fighting with him about his actions and then telling him that they are no longer friends.
About time, girl.
Hold onto your seats, fam — next week looks like another bumpy ride.