Tending A Healthy Relationship Garden

I remember (many years ago) when I made a conscious effort to be more mindful of the people I chose to spend time with.  Not all my friends had the same aspirations and motivation that I had.  They were decent people, but in many ways they held me back.  I had dreams of being more, accomplishing great things and many of my friends were happy with the status quo.  

Do you remember, when your parents would say, “You will become like the people you associate with”? Birds of a feather, flock together?  If you want to be better, hang out with someone that is better than you.  That’s how I learned to play racquetball; by getting beat, a lot!

Setting standards and boundaries helps us maintain healthy relationships.  We can get lax from time to time and it’s good to take a step back and evaluate if you’ve let your standards slip. Once you have established standards, you will only allow people in your life that help you be a better you.  Your friends will hold you accountable and will challenge you in a good way.  They may share your dreams, or if not, they will surely support your dreams, just like you will support their dreams.

When you have chosen the right relationships, you will be able to give abundantly and freely without feeling that you will be taken advantage of or controlled.  I believe this is true for our love relationships, our work relationships and our friendships.  

I know, you are going to ask me about family relationships, because we don’t get to choose our family.  You are right, but we do have a choice about who in our family we spend time with and how much time we spend with them.  If anyone, including family, isn’t kind, doesn’t respect you or include you and support your dreams, then what reason is there to give energy to that relationship?  You can still be helpful and civil with family members that you would not have chosen as friends.

We want to give freely and abundantly to those we love that love us back as we love them.  Let those people know, this season of Giving Thanks,  how much they matter to us, for tomorrow they might not be with us.

Last year right after Thanksgiving I lost my mother to cancer.  She was my greatest supporter and friend.  She never nosed into my business but was always there with a lending ear when I needed her, which was always.  We laughed and cried together.  She taught me to laugh at myself and to not take myself too seriously. I was her rock as she maneuvered through some unhealthy relationships of her own.  I realize, she was my rock, too!  I would choose her again as my mother.  Choose your friends and yes, your family, wisely.

Freya Robbins, CDFA™ Supreme Court  Certified Mediator 
941-366-0202 ZollingerMediation.com

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