Tales of two Trails: We dive into Sarasota's seasonal traffic

There’s a lot you can do with an hour.

Watch 28.5% of “The Irishman” on Netflix.

Watch an entire edition of “PBS Newshour” if you’re of a certain mind.  Or 100% of the the “The Bachelor,’’ if you’re not.

Fly the 494 miles from takeoff at Atlanta Hartsfield International Airport to landing at Sarasota-Bradenton International.

But, on a particular Thursday last week, one thing you could not do is negotiate the 11 miles from Longboat Key Town Hall, through the teeth of Sarasota traffic, to SRQ’s cell phone lot.

We tried. We failed.  

But, just for fun and at the same time, we also tried the same drive through Bradenton Beach, Cortez and Bradenton, a stretch with its own brand of notoriously bad driving conditions. We covered those 22 miles in one hour, five minutes.

To be sure, traffic this season is demonstrably worse than it’s been in recent memory. And it’s no joke. A lot of serious discussions are going on about traffic, its causes, its effects and its future.

And though our little jaunt was far from scientific, it does demonstrate what we’ve been seeing and hearing from you since the new year. So grab an audiobook or podcast and ride along with reporter Nat Kaemmerer and Managing Editor Eric Garwood as they experience first-hand some of the worst, and surprisingly pleasant, driving the barrier islands and mainland have to offer.

North route (Eric)

4:44 p.m.: Off and running with an immediate advantage: turning right on Gulf of Mexico Drive from Bay Isles Road eliminates waiting for two directions of traffic to clear. And between the bikes, the people crossing the road willy-nilly and work trucks parked on the side of the road, GMD is a nice drive at 40 mph.

4:49 p.m.: Crisis? What crisis? Cruising at a typical-for-Longboat 40 mph. Hey, stroller lady: the lighted crosswalk is about 50 yards to your left. Use it.

4:56 p.m.: Hardly any sign of the trouble earlier today on the north end. Lanes shift near where FPL crews reset powerlines and poles following a tree accident. Police are here, and dozens of cones, and traffic slows to about 15 mph but no stopping.

4:58 p.m.: Gulf Drive is supposed to be the worst stretch around here, but what's the problem? For quitting time on a weekday in Bradenton Beach, it can't get much better.

5:03 p.m.: What pretty brake lights, everyone. A shirtless guy on a skateboard carrying a shopping bag zooms past as northbound slows to a crawl alongside Coquina Beach

5:10 p.m.: A few minutes of no-feet driving (no brakes, no gas) along Gulf Drive detour around a pipe project. Crawling but still moving. Dust mixes with pollen to create a stunning view of the cars around us.

5:15 p.m. Cortez Bridge is clear, the afternoon sun is beautiful as it spotlights a sailboat bobbing just north of . . .  uh, oh. . . red lights flashing . . . brake lights . . .  gates coming down. This is why drawbridges are stupid.

5:25 p.m. Isn't there another road project just east of the bridge? A roadside showcase of orange and white traffic barrels says yes, but the absence of workers, machinery and congestion says otherwise. 

5:30-5:47 p.m. This is basic city driving in Bradenton along Cortez Road and U.S. 41. Buses, a lot of FPL trucks (are they all  coming from Longboat?), people crossing the street, people test driving cars. 

5:47 p.m. Aside from the bridge, turning from U.S. 41 to University Parkway is the longest yet. Three complete red light cycles. Traffic backed up from turn lane into fast (ha!) lane.  Hate that feeling, don't you?

5:50 p.m. Hey SRQ, maybe a paved cell phone lot? But who knew it was so close to the main runway? Nice  jet, Mr. or Ms. Unknown Millionaire.

6 p.m. Is that Nat? 

South route (Nat)

4:44 p.m.: Without turning a wheel, Google Maps already predicts 41 minutes of delays. Starting off strong. 

4:47 p.m.: Dead stop after .7 miles  for what Google Maps says is a crash on Gulf of Mexico Drive. 

4:52 p.m.: Creeping along at 5 mph, it's easy to see the line of cars stretching back Bay Isles Road, where I started. 

4:57 p.m.:  Actually hit the speed limit of 35 mph near Longboat's Water Club, then had to stop and got passed by bike — the first of the day.

4:58 p.m.: Down goes the convertible top of the car in front as we sit just north of the Key Club entrance. If you’re gonna pull your hair out in traffic, might as well do it in full sun.

5:03 p.m.: Maybe running to the airport would be faster.

5:15 p.m: Dead stop on the New Pass Bridge. What a view! And two more bikes get past.

5:17 p.m.: By the way, no sign of a crash.

5:20 p.m.: Big decision: take the St. Armands Circle or cut through the neighborhood only to fight through a left turn back to John Ringling Causeway? Google says short cut. I agree and think, for a second, about the people who live on this street.

5:22 p.m.: I’m putting my car in park. Thinking the neighbors here must love this. A traffic jam on their street.

5:24 p.m: I’m at my first legal stop — a stop sign.  

5:25 p.m.: Hey, buddy! What do you gain by not letting me into the lane? We should all be in this together. Rude.

5:30 p.m.: My overwhelming thought when I’m in traffic on the island is, “What if I ditched my car and went for a swim in the Gulf right now?” 

5:33 p.m.: Getting mad at people in traffic is like getting mad at people on the Internet. You’re gonna feel better, but it’s not going to accomplish anything. 

5:44 p.m.: After all that stop-and-go, getting up to 25-plus mph on Tamiami Trail feels dangerous. Now I’m cruising along through North Sarasota, though, so it shouldn’t be too much longer. 

5:47 p.m.: Just heard from my friends coming into town this weekend. I don’t have to go pick them from the Clearwater Airport; they’re getting a rental car. I think if I had to go to another airport so soon after this, I’d explode. 

5:54 p.m.: Now turning in to the airport to try to find the cell phone lot. 

6 p.m: Eric's already here, and he looks relaxed. Me? If I were trying to make a flight I’d be so nervous right now.