- November 24, 2024
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For Lucille Messina, Mother's Day was different.
She would go to the park with her daughter, Jacklyn, and they would sit by themselves.
It wasn't her desire to be alone, but that was her life with a daughter with a degenerative neurological disease. Jacklyn couldn't walk, talk or see.
"We were isolated every time we went to a playground," said Messina, who now lives in Lakewood Ranch with her husband, Karl. "No mother would come over and no one would interact. I would think, 'What did I do wrong? How could I correct this problem I had created?'"
Jacklyn Messina lived for just over 11 years, being born on Sept. 25, 1984 and dying on Oct. 14, 1995. It was a depressing, frustration, gut-wrenching time for Messina, a Long Island Railroad employee who lived in Garden City, New Jersey during the time.
But as tough as it was, she cherished every day with her daughter.
As this Mother's Day arrives May 8, Messina hopes mothers embrace their children and understand the gift or gifts they have been given, no matter the circumstances.
After her daughter's death, Messina wrote the book, "Waiting to Hear 'Momma' — A Mother's Memoir." Her hope is that she can share the many lessons learned during Jacklyn's life with mothers everywhere. The book was published in 2019 and is available on Amazon.com.
She tells her story about surviving the low moments.
"I was at JCPenney where they were taking special pictures of children for Christmas," she said. "A lady saw my daughter and hid her daughter's eyes."
It was those kind of moments that hurt her, and she didn't want other mothers to experience the same thing. She would look at pregnant ladies and pray they would have a healthy child so they didn't have to walk in her shoes. She wrote her book to explain her feelings during those low moments and what someone in a similar position could do to stay positive.
"I wanted to help other mothers survive the adversity and the family crisis," Messina said. "I felt like I was alone all the time, and I wanted to let mothers know they are not alone. I didn't want to see mothers give up, or jump in front of a train."
It took Messina time to realize she was not alone. She hit her low when she, indeed, considered stepping in front of a train.
After her co-workers urged her to get help, she went to see a counselor at her work.
"That finally helped me go out to dinner with my husband," she said. "It was a turning point. I had felt I didn't deserve it."
While she found support groups and workers, she realized her biggest rock was right in front of her: Karl.
"I dedicated my book to my husband because if not for him, I probably wouldn't be alive," she said. "He is one in a million. Most men probably would have walked away from me. Whenever I couldn't handle it, he was there every time. Having a partner is priceless."
After Jacklyn's death, they had another daughter, Amy, who now is 25. Amy Messina is a University of Colorado graduate who hopes to pursue a career in museum studies and specialize in the conservation and preservation of artifacts and art.
Lucille Messina remains dedicated to mothers who have a disabled child. She shares stories and lessons from her book to help mothers in similar situations to persevere and to benefit mothers with healthy children who could make a positive impact on those they meet with disabilities.
Messina offers 10 suggestions for mothers who face special circumstances with their child:
Five things Messina hopes a mother with healthy children can learn from her book, "Waiting to hear 'Momma.'"