Being a caregiver includes caring for oneself

Providing care for a loved one can come with both immeasurable rewards and weighty difficulties, and an expert from Empath Tidewell Hospice recently offered advice to community members on how to protect their own well-being when caring for another.

Community partnership specialist Kelly Garrett provided many tips on self-care at a seminar at The Paradise Center, and topping the list was the importance of asking for help from friends, family, neighbors, spiritual leaders, experts and others when taking care of a loved one seems overwhelming.

After all, a carer can't meet all the needs of a dependent without first taking care of themself.

"It can be a very challenging job sometimes, and often a thankless one," she said.

Caregiver well-being grows more pressing by the day, as Garrett cited the Centers for Disease Control that more than 11 million adults in the United States provide unpaid care for someone with dementia. Their work equates to about 18.4 billion hours of care.

The list of roles many carers fulfill is extensive, including legal advocate, activity scheduler, transporter, budgeter, meal prepper, medication organizer and general decision-maker.

These roles are on top of the full-time or part-time job responsibilities that 60 percent of caregivers have.

"That is a heavy burden," she summed up.

Garrett, who shared her experience of caring for her parents, reminded attendees they don't have to always take on all the roles on their own. 

"Someone had to remind me to ask my brother for help," she said. "That was a big step for me, to ask for help. ... It really does make a difference if you speak up for yourselves."

Caregivers need to make time for their physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs to avoid "compassion fatigue," the extreme tension that comes with being too preoccupied with the suffering of the person in their care.

When caregivers neglect their own needs, they end up with insufficient time for themselves, negative impacts on their social lives, overwhelming stress about their responsibilities and strain on their relationships.

Garrett said it is normal for caregivers to experience fear, anger, confusion, disappointment, frustration, guilt and grief when navigating the challenges of helping their loved ones. But the accumulation of such emotions makes it even more vital for them to take time for themselves and avoid burnout.

Though it may seem impossible to find the time, it can be immeasurably invaluable for caregivers to exercise, hydrate, get proper nutrition, sleep, do breathing exercises, connect with friends or otherwise take care of their needs.

"You want to regain who you are," she said. "You want to know your limits, your boundaries. If you feel like you're losing it, if you feel like you're getting stressed out, if you feel like you're going through that caregiver burnout, rein yourself in, know who you are and set your intentions to be good ones."

Helpful preemptive steps can include preparing a document with key care information to share with others at a moment's notice, joining a support group, and setting boundaries.

She said it is also valuable to take time to remind oneself of the benefits of tackling this labor.

"It is a bittersweet moment when you are a caregiver, because although it is difficult, it really provides you with a lot of skills you may not have even known you could have," she said. "You have the ability to take care of somebody you love so deeply."

Attendee Georgianna Vicari said it is important to her to truly honor her wedding vows, a lifelong commitment, in making sure her husband receives the care he needs. She said she found it empowering to discover she had the strength to rise to the occasion.

Tidewell Hospice offers a variety of free services that may be useful to caregivers, including support groups listed at EmpathHealth.org/calendar.